But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
