i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
