It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
