Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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