I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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