I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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