This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
