that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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