Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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