My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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