Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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