I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
