i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
