Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
