We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
