Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
