the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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