But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
