Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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