he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
