You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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