I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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