I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
