Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
