it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
