if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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