porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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