I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
