It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
