I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The feeling are messing with the penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
