I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
