Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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