Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
