I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it hurts more in the daytime
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
