Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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