I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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