I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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