You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
