He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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