I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So vagazzling was a success
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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