Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
