forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
