so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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