Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
