literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
