I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she told me i tasted like america
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
