ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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