he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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