This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
