Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
