i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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