who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
