you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Randomize
