Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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